Growing Up



AH! This growing up business is really kind of scary! One minute, we're all in elementary school coloring and learning our ABC's, and next thing you know we've graduated high school, moved off, getting married, and having babies. Anyone who knows me at all, knows I'm not a fan of change, and these are quite monumental changes!! However, as scary as it is, it's also really exciting! Heck, and I thought everyone getting their driver's license and a job was very "adult-ish" of us. Honestly, I've recently become mortally afraid of getting old. I know this sounds terrible, but truly, I am honest to goodness terrified of even hitting 30. (NO, I am not saying 30 is old! I'm saying it's a stepping stone to 80!) I've got a ways to go, I have a few more months til 20, which I'm also struggling with.

Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come.
-The Wonder Years

It's all just hitting me that this is it...no more being babied, no excuses. Maybe I'm afraid of failing? Or just not knowing where I'm going in life. I've been working on student loans lately, and they add up fast! I have all these "what ifs" floating around in my head: what if I cant get into the nursing program, what if I'm not smart enough, what if I can't get a good paying job after college, what if I can't pay back my loans, what if my car falls apart and I don't have the money for a new one, what if I don't have the money for an apartment and have to move back home. The future seems to uncertain. I am too much of a control freak, I need to have faith and hand it over to God and trust him. I know he will take care of me. I wish I could let go and embrace the ride, enjoy my youth, and take advantage of the many exciting opportunities I have laid out before me. Yep, that sounds like a much better plan.

Too many people grow up. That's the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up. They forget. They don't remember what it's like to be 12 years old. They patronize, they treat children as inferiors. Well I won't do that.
-Walt Disney

Moving

5/3/11:
And so begins the preparartions to move into a dorm at UT! I've already made a large dent in my shopping list, and expanded my "college corner" to about a fourth of my room! I have everything from my beadspread to band-aids, with much more to go. Every paycheck, I put some into savings, and whats left, I coax Mum into going college shopping with me!! We spent hours at Target last week, with much success!!
7/17/11:
AHH!! I move is less than one month!! I still haven't been assigned a building, room, or roommate!! Which is making me really antsy! I've gotten almost everything though. I've had MANY shopping trips like the one in the previous entry. My "college corner" continues to grow and grow. I made a crazy long, catagorized, color coded list of what I need, what I have, what I want, lol. It's massive. I'm getting so excited!
8/2/11:
11 days until I move in. I've been assigned to South Carrick 513 with Katie Peck. She seems super sweet!! But, for those who don't know, South Carrick 513 is a study room. UTK decided to over contract by about 100. This means that they have converted many study rooms to temporary dorm rooms. No closet, no in-room bathroom, no luxuries like that. So we will have a key to our own private bathroom, which is down the hall, and will just have to make do without a closet. However, this room is only temporary. After the two week freeze housing puts on all housing changes at the beginning of school, they will then see who is a no show, and I will be split up from my current roommate and we will be placed into normal dorm rooms. Sigh. On the flip side, I have almost every single thing on my mega list. Haha. I only lack a very few simple school supplies and such.
8/12/11:
I move tomorrow!!!! I'm so excited and kinda scared. I was changed to Humes 619. So now I have a permanent room and won't have to move again!! Yay! But I'm sad I won't be rooming with Katie. She was so nice!! I've only contacted one of the other three girls in our suit. It's 4AM and mum and I just finished packing. There are still a few odds and ends she will have to finish up tomorrow. Because of my surgery today, we had to finish everything tonight. I'm really nervous about being able to move everything. I think I may have to leave a lot of the lifting and carrying to the guys, and focus on unpacking and organizing since I will still be recovering. It is still so surreal! I can't wait!!