God's Unfailing Love

The God I know is a Lord who demonstrates: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. He instructs his followers to be consumed with these traits and to allow his light and love to be shown through each and every one of us. What was his reaction to every individual he met? Love, patience, kindness, gentleness.
Jonathan Edwards’ sermon “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God,” illustrates a vengeful and merciless Lord, and somehow we have adopted this as our approach to anyone we deem a “bad person.” The human race has become so abusive. Verbally, physically, and through everyday actions we continually abuse, hurt, and tear down others. I cannot imagine that God would show homosexuals anything but love and kindness. The God I know would sit down with anyone and share his waffle fries. He wouldn’t shove a chicken sandwich in their face to prove a point.
I am nowhere near understanding the love God has for each of us as his children. However, I love my family more than anything in the world, and the thought of anyone hating or hurting my family through words or actions breaks my heart. Therefore, wouldn’t the distain and hateful actions towards gays and lesbians, even if they are indirect, hurt God?
God has not burdened us with the task of judgment. Judgment is God’s responsibility, and his alone. Our task is to love uncompromisingly.

How do we glorify God when we deliberately go against his word?

‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31

A Fog

I feel like I'm in a fog. It's an awful feeling, truly. I am worried. I am always worried. I am a worrier. I need to hand my worries to God. Actually, I have. Then, a few hours later, I take them back, as if I don't trust God to handle them. But I know better than that. I know he can, if I allow him to. I suppose I ought to explain myself. Well, here it goes. Seth has a super big dose of chemo tomorrow, which breaks my heart, because I know after these doses he isn't himself for almost a whole week. He also gets a spinal tap, and just thinking about it makes me hurt for him. I also have just gotten a new job. I now have to turn in my two weeks notice to my current employer. As excited as I am for a change, I could not have been more blessed to work with such wonderful girls for my first job. That being said, leaving them will be very hard for me. In addition to this, but before I tell you, I am fully aware of how pathetic I am about to sound, I saw Chris's car in a parking lot while driving home yesterday, and boy did I just lose it. Allow me to assure you, the waterworks were a sight to be seen. I think about him everyday, but nothing compared to how much I did in the past. And I can almost block things out now. But seeing his car, reminded me he is real, and I can't always block him out. It's not like he just disappeared. I proceeded to call my aunt whole "boo-hooing" and her advice was to text him and tell him I miss him. HA! I honestly don't think he would even respond to that. Of course I miss him, but we haven't talked since we moved back from Knoxville. I don't feel like that would go over well. I don't think he wants to hear from me at all, much less to hear that. Oh heavens, why must life be so doggone complicated. We'll talk. Eventually. I would like to think that eventually he will come to me, but if I wait for that, I might be waiting forever. I think we are where we need to be for now, and we'll just have to wait and see what happens in the future. And you all know how impatient of a person I am, so that is very big of me to say that, if I do say so myself. I also have decided to get an iPhone, Macbook, and a new-to-me car. Haha. This is a large contributing factor as to why I was looking into new jobs. My car with no air conditioning in 108 degree weather, and phone that likes to randomly shut off, and computer that is about to go kaput, just isn't cutting it. However, it is stressful to buy expensive things. But that sure are nice once you have them. I will also be starting back at school in late August. I have sighed up for A&P along with Microbiology. My schedule begins at 8am. I will be hating life here soon, but there is a part of me that is rather anxious to start school again. I like staying busy, it helps me stay focused and provides me with very little time to be sad. But for now, I do feel as if I am walking in a fog. A very lonely fog. I really don't talk to anyone outside my family anymore. I just hope and pray that God will work in my life throughout the next several months and bring me peace and happiness.

Martine Olive

Martine Olive Baldwin, my precious, beautiful great grandmother, "granny," passed away February 24, 2012 at the age of 93. I wish I would have thought to ask her more questions or found out more about her life. What was life really like growing up in the 20's? But I do have many wonderful memories. She was the ideal granny. She was the perfect, loving, understanding, caring great grandmother. I will miss her so much, but I can't wait til I see her lovely face again in heaven.

Coming Home

This semester has been quite the roller coaster. I have decided I will not be attending the University of Tennessee next year. I will be back in Chattanooga, probably at Chattanooga State. Back at Charming Charlie. Back home. I'll really miss several people, and I will miss the excitement of being apart of this university. I was relieved at first. However, once I told Chris,  it began to set it how torn I am between staying and leaving. Chris was the reason I came, and will be what makes leaving the hardest. I feel like it is the best decision for me, even though I struggle with it daily. I don't like making these big girl decisions.

Home for the Holidays

Oh it is been so nice to be home for more than 48 hours! I love being able to jump in my car whenever I want and go where ever I want without depending on anyone else. I love being back at work. I don't particularly miss working retail during the holidays, but I have missed my girls terribly! I've also begun hanging out with Anthony. We never really had a chance to be friends before we dated, but it is so nice to be be friends now. He always has tried to fix me when I'm broken, so he has been working on me all break, making me smile here, making me laugh there, cheering me up all the time. I've also gotten to spend time with my family. I have missed them all so much. Especially my cousins. They are growing up so fast, I want to be around as much as possible. I have spent a lot of the break trying to get over the break up. I have made so much progress. I only hope I can keep my composure when we get back to Knoxville. It ought to be interesting to see how it plays out. I am very excited to see Paige again. I have missed her a lot! I also found out the night of Emma and Corie's dance recital, that Aunt Marcy and Uncle Chris are probably getting a divorce. That did not go over well since I have no experience with dealing with divorce. But God knows what needs to happen and I know he has control of the situation whichever way it turns out. I also began to miss Grandma so much this Christmas. It's been almost 7 years, but I still think about her daily and miss her a lot.

Now the actual holiday part of the break. Well, to be perfectly honest, the holidays alone are extremely depressing for me. I hate being alone. It makes me very sad. However, I have tried to keep myself very busy with work and reading and with friends and family. I have been reading The Hunger Games. They are incredible. If you know me at all, you know I do not read. These books have me hooked! I read each book in about 2 days. Christmas seemed to come and go without much clamor. We celebrated with Dad's side early so that Pappaw could be in Arkansas with Mammaw and Aunt Kay for Christmas because this might be Mammaw's last. Christmas day was nice. We got up, opened presents, then spent the evening playing games and hanging out at David and Robin's.  The day after Christmas we traveled to Birmingham to celebrate with my Mum's side. My aunt and uncles and cousin flew in from California. It is the only time I get to see them all year, so it is always fun to catch up. That bring us up to today. Today is New Year's Day. I had some friend over last night to celebrate the new year. It was nice to have friends around, and made it much less depressing to be alone. But still, not having someone to kiss at midnight was just a little sad. But this is a even year, and the even years seem to be much better than the odd! So I have great expectations for this year! I pray everyone has a blessed New Year and that 2012 brings much joy to your life (and hopefully not the end of the world. haha). I look forward to what 2012 has in store for me and am excited to see how God will work in my life throughout the next 366 days (it's a leap year).

You Make Me Smile

I had a guy I thought was "the one." I just knew we would be together forever, but that apparently wasn't what was meant to be. So here I am, back at square one, and it's time for me to reassess what it is I really want in a guy.

What I Want In A Guy:
1.***Loves God and encourages me in my relationship with the Lord.
2.***Makes me laugh.
3.**Affectionate.
4.***Makes me feel good about myself (inspires me to be a better person).
5.**Doesn't get tired of me too easily.
6.***Accepts/loves me for exactly who I am. (and all my silly quirks)
7.***Makes me feel protected and secure.
8.*Kind of outdoorsy and/or athletic
9.***Faithful.
10.*Country boy.
11.*Sings. (I don't care if he's any good, just sings for the fun of it)
12.*Knows how to fix things, change the oil, build a shed, handyman.
13.**Likes to go out and knows how to have a good time.
14.**Wants a family.
15.**Loves both my and his family.
16.**Can have an educated conversation with and will openly listen (even if he doesn't agree).
17.*Isn't a flirt.
18.*Challenges me to try new things (within reason).
19.*Doesn't mind dressing up for a night out every once in a while.
20.****Believes marriage is forever.
21.**Supportive of me and helps me reach my goals.
22.**Knowledgeable (common sense/clever).
23.**Likes to be close to me.
24.***Can show me he loves me.
25.***Respects me.
26.**Open-minded.
27.**Compassionate, caring, thoughtful.
28.*Can act like a goof and be serious.
29.**Has goals set for his life and is motivated.
30.*Manners (polite and a gentleman).
31.*Physically attractive to me.
32.***Can wrap his arms around me and make me feel like everything will be ok, with a simple hug.
33.*Likes to travel.
34.***Honest.
35.**Doesn't mind me being a stay-at-home mom once we have kids.
36.*Taller than me.
37.*Can be spontaneous.
38.*Observant.
39.**Patient.
40.**Vols fan.
41.**Confident but not cocky.
42.*Doesn't act differently around his friends.
43.**Social/Outgoing.
44.**Not tacky/Clean.
45.***Reliable.
46.*Creative.
47.*Passionate.
48.**Knows how to manage his time.
49.**Can manage his temper.
50.**Not harsh or critical of me.
51.*Defends me.


*** Vital
** Required
* Preferred