Growing Up



AH! This growing up business is really kind of scary! One minute, we're all in elementary school coloring and learning our ABC's, and next thing you know we've graduated high school, moved off, getting married, and having babies. Anyone who knows me at all, knows I'm not a fan of change, and these are quite monumental changes!! However, as scary as it is, it's also really exciting! Heck, and I thought everyone getting their driver's license and a job was very "adult-ish" of us. Honestly, I've recently become mortally afraid of getting old. I know this sounds terrible, but truly, I am honest to goodness terrified of even hitting 30. (NO, I am not saying 30 is old! I'm saying it's a stepping stone to 80!) I've got a ways to go, I have a few more months til 20, which I'm also struggling with.

Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come.
-The Wonder Years

It's all just hitting me that this is it...no more being babied, no excuses. Maybe I'm afraid of failing? Or just not knowing where I'm going in life. I've been working on student loans lately, and they add up fast! I have all these "what ifs" floating around in my head: what if I cant get into the nursing program, what if I'm not smart enough, what if I can't get a good paying job after college, what if I can't pay back my loans, what if my car falls apart and I don't have the money for a new one, what if I don't have the money for an apartment and have to move back home. The future seems to uncertain. I am too much of a control freak, I need to have faith and hand it over to God and trust him. I know he will take care of me. I wish I could let go and embrace the ride, enjoy my youth, and take advantage of the many exciting opportunities I have laid out before me. Yep, that sounds like a much better plan.

Too many people grow up. That's the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up. They forget. They don't remember what it's like to be 12 years old. They patronize, they treat children as inferiors. Well I won't do that.
-Walt Disney